Finally! After days of mind-boggling, I decided to write something which may not be applicable to you but to others it’s a YES! I will be writing about the exciting life of a single mom. Wait? What? Single mom? Yes! How come it’s exciting? It’s a big responsibility. Indeed, that was the first thing that came through my mind when I woke up one day and realized that I’m a single mom! But, as I get through it, It wasn’t that hard..IT’S HARDER and that begins my journey. To be able to discuss it clearly, I chunked my topic into three.
1. Single Mom Paranoia
It took me days, well months, to accept the fact that I have to take the responsibility of raising my daughter solely. Can I support her? What would her future be like? Is there strength left in me to carry my responsibilities? What will others say? Yes, a lot of questions! With these questions, I felt like I am losing touch with reality. There were moments that I locked myself in my room, trying to figure out what to do and how to answer these questions. One day isn’t enough to find the answers. You have to go through with it. I wasn’t prepared. I felt like I was sent to a battlefield with no weapon. But, all I got is the will to carry all these things! Can I support her? Yes! I just have to be a working mom. It’s not easy. I remember I was at work when Cecile called me that Shai had a high fever. I have deadlines to beat yet my kid is sick. Which should come first? My teaching job or my daughter? Having many absences might put my job at stake and losing it is like losing everything. After my first two subjects, I went home to check her and came back to school after she took her medicine. I just have to manage my time well! You too. Amazingly, I was able to pass my paperworks ahead of the deadlines. How about finances? I have to get back on my feet. I have to excel at work despite of everything to get a promotion or additional loads! Live in frugality! Forget the wants, prioritize the needs. What would her future be like? Of course, I don’t want her to experience what I’ve been through! Half of it maybe. With my help, she has to achieve her dreams. Finish a degree. Get a career she is passionate with. Have more skills. But before looking ahead, I have to provide a wonderful childhood she deserves. It was hard. I know it wasn’t just me that was hurt. Is there strength left in me? Think positive! I pray fervently to God asking Him to help me. What will others say? Nah, you can’t please everyone. Some are emotionally generous while others are too bitter. Fight for what you believe. As I grow older, I realized that its gonna be “always I”. Those people who came to help you or condemn you are all gifts. Some are wrapped so loosely while others are so tight. Some left you with kind words while others casted pain right though your heart. But those sweet and painful words gave me an opportunity to befriend MYSELF and GOD. See, you’ll get through it!
1. Single Mom Paranoia
2. Her Tantrums and my Tantrums
Sole parenting is bittersweet. It’s twice the cry, twice the effort! Yet, in the end it’s twice the cuddles and love! Like every child, she has her tantrums! Since I was a working mom, and mostly I go home tired! Too tired to deal whenever she had her tantrums . As a result, I just ignore her. I will just wait until she stopped. At first, that strategy was effective. But when she learned that I will just ignore her, her tantrums seemed to last long and got worst, testing my patience and it’s thinning! I’m having tantrums too. She’s shouting while I locked myself in my room. It’s crazy and unhealthy! Thanks God, my parents and Google are there to help me. Yes! Tatay and mama never left us which somehow despite of everything, I am still lucky having them as my parents. To Google? Yeah, thank you! I saw some articles related to it but I couldn’t remember the links anymore. I read and applied some of them. There are three things I found effective to her. First, ignore her but don’t go anywhere. Don’t leave her. After few hours, she just stop crying and shouting. Second, if ignoring her doesn’t work, then cuddle her. Ask her what does she want? However, if she wants something that I couldn’t afford, I offer her choices that I can only give. At least, she’s making a choice and she like it. Lastly, if these two options won’t work, I ask her to go out with me. Change place, change the behavior! When she calms down, I started talking seriously to her. This caught her attention! My kid and I are like friends. I don’t spank her because I don’t use it as tool of disciplining her. I want her to be open to me. I’ve been telling her that I’m the first person to know everything. Parenting is a process. There’s no break. It never stop! Sometimes, I felt like I wanna escape from it. But I can’t! Especially now, the she is almost a teen. I have to understand the struggles of being a teenager. She has now her own stance. It brings me a lot of parenting challenges. Thus, it makes my life as a single mom much more exciting!
Sole parenting is bittersweet. It’s twice the cry, twice the effort! Yet, in the end it’s twice the cuddles and love! Like every child, she has her tantrums! Since I was a working mom, and mostly I go home tired! Too tired to deal whenever she had her tantrums . As a result, I just ignore her. I will just wait until she stopped. At first, that strategy was effective. But when she learned that I will just ignore her, her tantrums seemed to last long and got worst, testing my patience and it’s thinning! I’m having tantrums too. She’s shouting while I locked myself in my room. It’s crazy and unhealthy! Thanks God, my parents and Google are there to help me. Yes! Tatay and mama never left us which somehow despite of everything, I am still lucky having them as my parents. To Google? Yeah, thank you! I saw some articles related to it but I couldn’t remember the links anymore. I read and applied some of them. There are three things I found effective to her. First, ignore her but don’t go anywhere. Don’t leave her. After few hours, she just stop crying and shouting. Second, if ignoring her doesn’t work, then cuddle her. Ask her what does she want? However, if she wants something that I couldn’t afford, I offer her choices that I can only give. At least, she’s making a choice and she like it. Lastly, if these two options won’t work, I ask her to go out with me. Change place, change the behavior! When she calms down, I started talking seriously to her. This caught her attention! My kid and I are like friends. I don’t spank her because I don’t use it as tool of disciplining her. I want her to be open to me. I’ve been telling her that I’m the first person to know everything. Parenting is a process. There’s no break. It never stop! Sometimes, I felt like I wanna escape from it. But I can’t! Especially now, the she is almost a teen. I have to understand the struggles of being a teenager. She has now her own stance. It brings me a lot of parenting challenges. Thus, it makes my life as a single mom much more exciting!
3. A Beautiful Mess
To shoulder alone the day-to-day-responsibilities for your kids is hard enough even more if you are a working mom. How are you going to manage the demands from work and your child’s needs? Probably, you will end up juggling everything. There are times you came home late and you will see your daughter sleeping like a baby on a couch waiting for you to help her on her homework. There are nights that you need to sleep for an early class but your daughter is groaning from stomachache. Yes, you really have to be flexible because no matter how you plan your schedule there are unlikely events that come on your way. Plan everything. There must be plan A, B and C, or you could have all the letters in the alphabet. What does a single mom’s schedule look like? Mostly would say they have zero time for their social life or to get all the chores done. Truest! There are times you feel like shouting, “I don’t want to be a mommy today!” There are moments that you and your kid fight. But at the end of the day, it’s always a love story.
To shoulder alone the day-to-day-responsibilities for your kids is hard enough even more if you are a working mom. How are you going to manage the demands from work and your child’s needs? Probably, you will end up juggling everything. There are times you came home late and you will see your daughter sleeping like a baby on a couch waiting for you to help her on her homework. There are nights that you need to sleep for an early class but your daughter is groaning from stomachache. Yes, you really have to be flexible because no matter how you plan your schedule there are unlikely events that come on your way. Plan everything. There must be plan A, B and C, or you could have all the letters in the alphabet. What does a single mom’s schedule look like? Mostly would say they have zero time for their social life or to get all the chores done. Truest! There are times you feel like shouting, “I don’t want to be a mommy today!” There are moments that you and your kid fight. But at the end of the day, it’s always a love story.
