He Who Made Me Smile

While my father had his campaign, I was busy taking pictures. I saw a little boy in a tattered shirt. He had no slippers on. He seemed to be listening with my father’s every word. A bit amazed, I took a picture of him. Such an innocent face! At tender age, he was aware of what is going on with our society. I smiled when I saw how happy he was when he ate the food we prepared for them. While I was looking at him, I was filled with remorse. I was anxious to go home right away that day so I could go to my favorite mall and shop. I wanted to buy a dress. I just love the excitement I felt every time I go home with a new dress. It’s like “I feel so pretty when I am wearing them.” No wonder, I am so eager to fill my closet with new dresses. Yes, I spent lots of money for my clothes! Only that, they gave me a momentarily burst of joy. I was so eager to make myself feel pretty everyday, yet I am not interested with what is going on with our society. It’s like “to hell with them.” “I don’t care.” “Anyway, who cares?” “Why would I care?”Looking back at the boy, he smiled at me. That very moment the boy taught me something. Life is simple yet it is I who insists to make it complicated. For me, it seems that things are out of control. Perhaps I am too overwhelmed with material world and that is why it is too difficult for me to handle life. Such attachment deprived me of living life with harmony. There is always been a search of how to make lots of money well in fact there is a less time of seeking true happiness. There’s so much happiness in every small things. Such happiness I felt from that little boy.

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To Haitians

Last January 12, 2010, a massive earthquake had struck Haiti. Many people died. It was devastating seeing a father carrying a lifeless body of his son, a mother mourning for her daughter’s death, a little girl crying from pain, a wife hoping to see her husband alive and a young boy begging for food. It was one tragic-event which I kept hoping that I was in a dream. I felt the pain and was sharing to it. Let’s include our brothers and sisters in Haiti in our prayers. Let’s help them!

Life is Beautiful

A Long for a Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there lived a happy pretty little princess. Her parents and her two sisters love her so much. She loved them too. Just as she was growing up into a fair and lovely girl, her life suddenly turned grumpy. Her parents were too busy managing their kingdom while her sisters married two noblemen. Good thing she had a good friend who is with her always whenever she’s unhappy. One day, while she’s on her to way to their garden, she saw a wounded young man running toward her. She was terrified. Not knowing what to do, she ran away. But something was telling her to go back. She went toward him. She felt compassion for him. She put bandages on his wounds to prevent them from getting worse. The young men fell asleep and the princess left her. The next morning the girl went back to the garden hoping to see the young man alive. Unfortunately, the young man was no longer there. Then, one day while she was reading her favorite fairy tale, someone was throwing stones at her window. As she looked at the window, it was the wounded young man. Only that he was no longer wearing bandages. From then on, they became friends and fall in love with each other. Yet they have to hide their love for the princess was not allowed to love someone until she’ll turn eighteen. The young man was willing to wait. However, the princess who was scared of what will happen decided to end their relationship. It was a painful decision. But with her hope that everything will turn out well, she had successfully overcome it. Years have passed. So many things had happen. It was four months before the princess will have her graduation from a very prestigious university; she met a fine-looking prince. Little did she know that the prince was watching at her. One day, while she was just humming to herself and enjoying her every step when suddenly she accidentally bumped herself to a wall. The prince laughed hard and the princess who was ashamed of what had happen laughed too. That very first expression of amusement sparkled a new friendship. They became close. The princess started to like the prince. Months later, they became a good couple. The princess loved the prince so much. Yet, she managed to keep it. She was too busy with her career unaware of her prince’s feelings. Until one day, the prince told her of ending their relationship. It was unexpected. The princess cried and begged the prince to keep their relationship strong. Sadly, the prince insisted to left her. Feeling rejected and humiliated, she never went outside their kingdom and decided to lock herself on a tower. For a year, she never went out to be with her friends and family. Her friend did not give up on her. Until one day, she had convinced her to visit a friend who was very ill. The princess accompanied her friend. From that day on, she became happy again. She met new friends and get along with them. It was sunny afternoon when she received a message from the prince who left her without explanation. It was bittersweet. The prince asked another chance from her but because she was afraid of what will her life be with him again she agreed to marry a nobleman who had just courted her. With fired-up mood she agreed to tie a knot with a man that she does not even love. They we’re too young then. They’re bond was strengthened after they got married. However countless disputes between them started to weaken the knot which they solemnly vow to tie together forever. Getting married young was one of the external factors of their arguments. But the major factor was that the princess and the nobleman really don’t love each other—from the very start. The princess in her dismay decided to take the vow of silence forever. To her it was a false move. If only she could spell a cast on Time, then she would have save her own fairy tale. Anyway, not all fairy tales have a happy ending.

MY AVATAR

Every day, I have to prepare myself for a war…unknowing of what will happen next. All I long is happiness. War is not an answer to it. If only I could wear a mithril martial suit that would increase my defense and strengthen my damage, then I could really tell myself that “I’m ready for a war.” I don’t have one… not even a ring of luck + 2. All I have is I. No allies. Certainly, I’m weak. Wish I could have more potions to increase my strength and dexterity. Hope I’m a warrior where its armor suit sets a high defense against its enemies and with high Health Points, he’s the last one to die in a battle. No fast kill from the bladders. No Astral Shield from an FS which provides me a greater defense. All I got is my magical damage. I may provide party buffs yet they’re useless when I’m alone. Only the rod which I’m holding on my left hand accompanies me. With my low defense, I’m the most vulnerable to attacks. No doubt I’m the first one that dies in the battle. My weapons are my three-slotted pherystin orbs of destruction. Sadly, their critical rate is only 3%. Why I chose them? Let say I was carried away by my emotional impulse of wanting to buy three-slotted orbs that very day. With these orbs, I can cast magical spells against enemies. I may have a destructive magic skill buff but it lasts only for 30 seconds. I may be weak yet there are five reasons why I like being a wiz. First, I can blink as fast as I could. I can teleport instantly to a safer place when my hp is low. Only that, I had a hard time looking for a safer place. Second, I like my arctic field magic attack skill. It stuns my enemies for five seconds. Third, I can create a mirror image through my space collapse magic attack skill. Fourth, I can restore SP which lasts for 30 seconds and I find it useful in dungeons and in war. Lastly, my character depicts my personality. Most of the time, I like to move around. I can’t stay in one place. I blink. I love travel and adventure. I am not intelligent but I like to seek knowledge and wisdom just like my pure int wiz. I see my life as a quest. For me, in every dark cloud of life, there’s always a sunny side of it. Yet, I tend to avoid difficult situations. Perhaps I’m afraid to risk my comfort zone. I let time to heal it believing that everything will turn out well someday. When I am in a cheerful mood, I like to be with others but when I’m sullen, I usually hide my self in a closet. I accept party invitation when I feel like I want too and decline it whenever I don’t want it. Often, I smile. Just like my char’s face, you can’t tell if it’s happy or sad. I share my blessings. I easily give my alz away. Yes, I am generous to a fault that I’m willing to spend my last money just to help someone. I’m affectionate. I let myself be carried by my feelings. Thus, I’m willing to make a trade even if my mind is telling me not to do so. When I’m in a worst situation like more than two mobs in PF, I easily panic.

My character has thought me a lot. It encourages me to take those opportunities, to live life as an adventure and to believe in something greater than myself.

Certainly, I see myself to it. It’s my avatar and whenever I miss it, then I’ll just go to Jupiter.

WARRIOR DRAWN ON A PAPER

You came from the world where I don't exist, a world where no one knows about it. I have this strange feeling on you, I can't explain it. You were a a vision and I can't take off my eyes on you. Your smile was so sweet. Your laughs truly made me happy. When you're mad, my heart keeps pounding. When you're hurt, I could feel the pain in me. I felt I was sharing to it. I felt somehow you exists -- not on Earth, not on Pandora, not on Netherlands and not even from the past. You live in my heart.
Together we shall live in this world of dreams in which I'm unable to imagine the happiness anymore that I could imagine what is life with you. Sadly, you were only perfectly drawn on a paper.

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Life is like a Computer

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Life is like a computer. It is a system made up of different parts and each part has its own function to meet the common goal. It is designed with programs which instruct you what to do or how to handle life. Going through life then is like debugging codes which demands dedication. Otherwise, carelessness may result to syntax error which can only be recognized at compilation time. As others said "the damage has been done." Or worst a semantic error resulted from an error in logic. Only that the logics of life are indeed complicated. As Doug Linder said "a good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street."
When you fail, restart life.

LET NOT BE THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH OR ANY DUMP FILE BE A HINDRANCE TO GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE! AND IF YOU CAN'T DISABLE IT THEN CALL THE TECHNICAL PEOPLE WHICH I AM REFERRING TO YOUR TRUE FRIENDS AND LOVE ONES

Which of the Ways of Not Being a Self is Real for Me?

Wearing a mask is another way of not being a self. It is when man does not want to know what was in his mind or what feelings he truly had. With this, he presented to other people a false self. Such concealment of the true self deprives him of a chance to have awareness of selfhood.
Getting into a false face is real for me. In fact, it usually happens. Whenever I go, wherever I am and whatever I do, self-deception is always there. From childhood to adolescence, I have been undergoing a lot of adjustments. In the pattern of adjustment, the internal motivation that includes my attitudes must comply with the external demand of reality. Therefore, I have to act in accordance with the rules given by the society. Honestly speaking, it is really hard for me. This is beacuse I am not only consists of good aspects. There are some more negative aspects in me that others might consider it as unacceptable. This caused me to confusion. Knowing I would hurt him, my friends and our families if I'll tell him the truth about what I really feel so I end up pretending to be happy with him. Thus, I am smiling at grief. Actually, it is not me. I am presenting a feeling that was not felt by me. I covered the dark blots with a brightly colored curtain. I am afraid that I might suffer the consequences if I will fight what I feel. This risk that treathens my integrity will always be present. There are also moments that I try to convince myself that what I am is exactly what I like. I occasionally place an idealistic image right in front of me. I deny the reality of what I feel within myself. Sometimes, I even shove it deep into the dark closet of unconscious. I want to follow the idealistic image because of my purpose to drive out my unpleasant memories and experiences.
Indeed, there are times that I am wearing a mask whether I may be aware of it or not.